One of my most favorite parts about teaching yoga is creating a theme for each class that is inspiring, encouraging, practical, and useful. The process that I go through to get here ranges, yet it always leads me more deeply into my own spiritual practice and journey. Lately I've been thinking in-depth about the subject of samskaras, their prevalence in life, and the role they play in spiritual practice. Samskaras are impressions in the mind created over time, are oftentimes karmic, & even if not karmic, are old patterns that are revisited over & again in our current lives in order for us to hopefully gain clarity around them and learn some of the deepest lessons possible this time around. I think of them like rivers in the surface of the brain: the deeper the river runs, the more prevalent the patterns is in one's life. These rivers or patterns can be so deeply ingrained that we don't even notice how they come into play in our lives, yet they seem to underlie everything that we do. Through spiritual practice where self-study plays a role, we begin to become more aware of the hold that these patterns have on us & in our lives, and in doing so, we can learn how to skillfully work with them so they aren't perhaps so painful or uncomfortable for ourselves and others each time they arise.
The Tantric approach of working with samskaras is unique and totally helpful in my opinion. Some systems think it important to "clear the slate," or, to go back to our river analogy, make dry all of the rivers so that they don't exist anymore, thus forming a desert-like landscape, free of rivers whatsoever. While this may be of benefit to some, I have to say that I appreciate working in a quite different way. The approach here offers one the opportunity to get to know a pattern deeply, going swimming in the river (without getting sucked into an eddy, of course!), without just ignoring it or running away from it (think: sprinting away from the shore of the river as soon as you feel its power), which is easy to do. If we run in the opposite direction, though, of course our samskara is going to be there awaiting us when a similar situation shows itself as had us running in the first place! So this option isn't too enhancing, although it may seem like the only one at the time. What can be really interesting & deeply engaging is noticing the emotions that arise when working with a certain pattern, and also where certain feelings arise in the body. Our bodies are so absolutely intuitive, and they oftentimes know things way before our minds do...it's like a magical feature wired into our nervous systems! Pretty sweet if we learn to listen to the signals & heed their guidance. So, for example, "When I notice myself starting to play a particular pattern out (taking responsibility is a good thing, for it gives us the ability to respond with care & clarity), how do I feel? What emotions arise with the pattern? What does it feel like in my body? Where does the pattern seem to be rooted?" Although the location of the emotions/patterns may change, it's good to notice them to begin to understand more about the way we work & where we hold things in general.
Another important part of engaging the samskaras skillfully so they don't totally have a hold on us is to trace them back to their first appearance. When we move into a meditative & contemplative space with the intention of understanding this particular facet of ourselves, it's pretty amazing how the subconscious mind begins to clue us in on exactly the information we're looking for. A whole story around a certain pattern begins to unfold that we had perhaps never pieced together in this particular way before...and once we get to see the samskara from a more expansive perspective, we have so much more of an ability to work clearly with it, seeing the connections in each instance that we were triggered and each time the samskara came into play in our lives. The points along the samskara river become highlighted, and we realize that the intense journey gave us beta along the way that just wanted us to see it, if only our third eye was open as widely as possible at the time of our first meeting! As we trace the steps of our journey back from the present into the deep & rich past, we become clear on what the samskara is, what it looks & feels like, how it plays itself out in the rich tapestry of our awareness, and how we can skillfully work with it to know it better, and eventually refine it in such a way that the ride along the river may even be sweet, ultimately leading us to a Universal experience of life.
I think this is the really good news...each samskara is an opportunity to delve into this nature of being human, eventually giving us access to an experience that we have all felt before simply by virtue of being human. For example, if the pattern is overbooking oneself to the extent of virtual breakdown, the person perhaps gets taken for a ride down the river of somewhat self-imposed exhaustion, feeling a lack of energy on any level, a lack of connection with his or her center, and completely overwhelmed by life. These feelings can eventually lead to complete & utter depletion and lack to the point that the person isn't getting wrapped up necessarily in the emotions of the experience, but is simply dwelling deeply IN the experience itself (here, of exhaustion and lack), one that we've probably all had exposure to in some way. Our depleted friend who feels a deep lack will feel the need to nourish & rejuvenate him or herself, taking time and energy from outward activities and focusing this energy inwardly. Over time, energy levels return to normal, and a balance is re-established. Once our friend becomes aware of this pattern, he or she can see and feel it before it actually happens, clearly establishing healthy and life-affirming boundaries that create balance and inner harmony before actually getting carried down the river of exhaustion. What's great to note here, though, is that just as the pattern is changeable (most everything in life is!), it also led our friend into the depths of an experience of being human, one that we've all touched in some way, shape, or form. And in knowing that most every person on the planet has felt lack and depletion at some point in their lives, our friend can take heart in recognizing that this is part of a Universal journey that ultimately, if engaged properly, leads him or her to a place of greater awareness and transformation. And because most everyone has experienced this feeling before and the emotions that come along with it, we are reminded that we're never alone on this journey of life, for so many others have been just where we are...in the grandest love, or the most intense anger, or the most expansive joy possible. What was perhaps holding us back becomes a gateway that taps us into the grandness of life's possibilities while simultaneously offering us a way in which to transform!
It may be inevitable that we go through the ringer from time to time (I'm sure you're aware of the definitely intense energetic times on our planet!), getting taken for a swift ride along the sometimes bumpy and tumultuous currents of the samskaras. But before we let the current pull us fully in, it's key to remember the tools we've gained along the way...they'll help us work through our deepest samskaras with a bit more grace and ease, although again, it may not seem like it at the time. My personal tools include: spiritual practices encompassing yoga, meditation, prayer, connection to Nature and feeling safe & supported there, reaching out to people who care about me and will listen, and the fortitude to actually be in the midst of what is happening, trusting in the process of life's unfoldment without letting it rock me too terribly. And thankfully, the tools we've gained along the way can be employed while we're being confronted with the challenges that are bound to arise from time to time. We all have access to such powerful tools & practices that remind us of the strength that's inside & the steps needed to move into a space of clarity, and the trick is to be able to see the patterns in ourselves well enough to remember the tools at the appropriate time. And like most things, time and practice certainly help with this, as long as we're willing to receive and experience life's full palette of offerings, from the most joyful and expansive to the most challenging and intense. If we're on board with this, we'll be guaranteed an interesting ride no matter what...and isn't it all about the ride?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Thankful for Thirty
Ah, the thrill of 30. Dare I call it a "thrill"?! I definitely think so...as it's been approaching all my life, yet obviously more recently these last few weeks, I have to say that my response has been sane, if there is such a thing. I've noticed a great sense of relief as I approach the closing of my twenties, a decade that was for me filled with striving, a need to prove myself in the world, and an overall sense of unrest and dissatisfaction with life & myself. Of course, this certainly wasn't all that my twenties provided, but hindsight definitely grants a greater perspective on life, and thankfully so! This more expansive view has allowed me to recognize how deeply I honor the beautiful process that life offers and the inherent wisdom that lives in all aspects of the Universe and its magical matrix.
In Rajanaka Tantra, a householders' spiritual path and philosophy that I've been studying & living in alignment with as best as possible for 6 years, there is this fantastically intuitive and completely real model for the phases of life. This model has been helpful to me in the past, and at this point in my life, it becomes even more significant and weighty. The different phases of life are as such: Pashu, Virya, & Dvani. Each phase is thought to last about 30 years, so from 0-29 years, 30-59, and 60 onward. The first phase, that of pashu, is, the time of being a "grasshoppa", one who is learning the ropes of life and, like a sponge, absorbing it all as best as possible. This is the time when we begin to cultivate who we are and what our preferences are in life, learning what works for us and what doesn't, and experimenting with all of the rich & varied experiences that life has to offer. The second phase, that of virya, is the time for living & working intently, establishing oneself in life, creating a family if one so chooses, and continuing to find spirituality in the activities of daily life. Because this path is for householders, day-to-day activities, rather than having to be mundane, are opportunities for actualizing one's potential with regard to each different exercise. People begin to refine themselves & their deeper desires in life (always in alignment with their highest good, one hopes), more intuitively knowing how to live in a way that brings what's inside one's heart out into the world skillfully & inspiringly (I like to make up words). The third phase, dvani, is the phase represented by a complete & total refinement of oneself and one's life, the stage in which one can sit back and sigh with a deep sense of satisfaction with oneself and with what's been accomplished in life. It's at this point that the Tantrika, through having cultivated such an awareness of his or her refined preferences, gets to delight in these preferences as fully as possible, and from a sweet space of wisdom gained through life experience. One of the beautiful things about this model is that people get better as they age, like a fine wine that ripens & becomes more flavorful with each & every day! Pretty nice model, right?!
I'm certainly thankful to have been exposed to this way of thinking & living fairly early on, but sometimes the lessons are still intense no matter what tools you have! My twenties taught me that being everything to everyone all at the same time is not an option unless the goal is exhaustion & lack of awareness of one's true self. The self-deprecating attitude I carried & strange need to prove myself to others was underlying much of what I did during this time, from pursuing my B.A. at UNC, to becoming a Certified Anusara Yoga teacher, to opening a yoga studio at the age of 26 (thankfully I had some help along the way!). While I was certainly cultivating myself more fully and developing enhancing & clear preferences in life, the place from which I was doing so oftentimes was typified with rigidity, force, & imbalance. A lack of confidence in myself played out in overdoing things in other areas of life, leading to a skewed perception of my capabilities and deeper disconnection from my true & authentic nature and voice. This was uncomfortable at best and painful at times, but I see it now as all part of the process at work. And of course, my twenties contained many lovely jewels that have left sweet & deep, lasting impressions on my heart! Amidst intensity & challenge at times, the paths I've chosen have not led me astray (do they ever really?), and quite the contrary, have guided me exactly where I've needed to journey before arriving at this point. What seemed like an overly-circuitous route to the present proves to have been full of amazing scenery, delightful stories, and stellar experiences that have always reconnected me to a deeper part of myself that was seeing me through and waiting for me to arrive back the whole time. The 6 or so drives cross-country gave me a huge appreciation for the vast & interesting land that we know as the United States, full of places to hike, camp, yoga, climb, dance, meditate, and simply commune with Nature and oneSelf. The day I spent in the Gila Wilderness of New Mexico for my 21st birthday was one of the most memorable, giving me the opportunity to reflect on the beauty surrounding me and be introduced (or re-introduced, perhaps) to a feeling of magical support contained within the structure of the Universe. And the amazing places I have had the honor of experiencing through my spiritual practices have been Grace-imbued, awesome, and truly life-changing; I am humbled and totally grateful for all of them. Life's wild ride has truly been a full spectrum of sound, color, form, and experience, highlighted at different points along the way to make the tapestry even more rich and playful!
And here it comes...30, ushering in a whole new world of possibilities for enjoying & savoring in the sweetness of life in a new way, one that is softer & more chilled out. What this upcoming time has to offer is much different than I would have thought or imagined, and I welcome it with open arms & an open heart. The idea of actually getting to relish in the fruits of life's work is beautiful and exciting, especially since this has been a bit foreign to me in times past. For just like a well-aged & delicious wine needs time to ripen & ferment, it also needs people to drink it to enjoy its unique & exquisite taste, lest it never be known or able to share its interesting flavor with others. And each wine is different, with a complexity of flavors so extraordinary that it needs to be taken in on every level possible & truly savored. This is definitely something I'm ready for! The things that come in this next decade -- greater comfort in being myself, creating family and stronger roots, loving in deeper & more authentic ways -- are perfectly timed, for had they come any earlier, I certainly would not have been prepared. This brings me great gratitude for the magical & mysterious nature of life, the inherent intelligence it has; we could not have planned this ride nearly as well as the Universe already has!
The amazing anthropologist Joseph Campbell said, "Follow your bliss. Find where it is and don't be afraid to follow it." Obviously he got it, and thankfully so; his wisdom can remind us of this great gift of embodiment so that we may truly taste the sweet flavors of life in the deepest ways possible. So, here's to the next 60 or so years of following dreams, refining preferences, savoring each delectable moment, and living fully, getting better at being grateful for life with every minute!
In Rajanaka Tantra, a householders' spiritual path and philosophy that I've been studying & living in alignment with as best as possible for 6 years, there is this fantastically intuitive and completely real model for the phases of life. This model has been helpful to me in the past, and at this point in my life, it becomes even more significant and weighty. The different phases of life are as such: Pashu, Virya, & Dvani. Each phase is thought to last about 30 years, so from 0-29 years, 30-59, and 60 onward. The first phase, that of pashu, is, the time of being a "grasshoppa", one who is learning the ropes of life and, like a sponge, absorbing it all as best as possible. This is the time when we begin to cultivate who we are and what our preferences are in life, learning what works for us and what doesn't, and experimenting with all of the rich & varied experiences that life has to offer. The second phase, that of virya, is the time for living & working intently, establishing oneself in life, creating a family if one so chooses, and continuing to find spirituality in the activities of daily life. Because this path is for householders, day-to-day activities, rather than having to be mundane, are opportunities for actualizing one's potential with regard to each different exercise. People begin to refine themselves & their deeper desires in life (always in alignment with their highest good, one hopes), more intuitively knowing how to live in a way that brings what's inside one's heart out into the world skillfully & inspiringly (I like to make up words). The third phase, dvani, is the phase represented by a complete & total refinement of oneself and one's life, the stage in which one can sit back and sigh with a deep sense of satisfaction with oneself and with what's been accomplished in life. It's at this point that the Tantrika, through having cultivated such an awareness of his or her refined preferences, gets to delight in these preferences as fully as possible, and from a sweet space of wisdom gained through life experience. One of the beautiful things about this model is that people get better as they age, like a fine wine that ripens & becomes more flavorful with each & every day! Pretty nice model, right?!
I'm certainly thankful to have been exposed to this way of thinking & living fairly early on, but sometimes the lessons are still intense no matter what tools you have! My twenties taught me that being everything to everyone all at the same time is not an option unless the goal is exhaustion & lack of awareness of one's true self. The self-deprecating attitude I carried & strange need to prove myself to others was underlying much of what I did during this time, from pursuing my B.A. at UNC, to becoming a Certified Anusara Yoga teacher, to opening a yoga studio at the age of 26 (thankfully I had some help along the way!). While I was certainly cultivating myself more fully and developing enhancing & clear preferences in life, the place from which I was doing so oftentimes was typified with rigidity, force, & imbalance. A lack of confidence in myself played out in overdoing things in other areas of life, leading to a skewed perception of my capabilities and deeper disconnection from my true & authentic nature and voice. This was uncomfortable at best and painful at times, but I see it now as all part of the process at work. And of course, my twenties contained many lovely jewels that have left sweet & deep, lasting impressions on my heart! Amidst intensity & challenge at times, the paths I've chosen have not led me astray (do they ever really?), and quite the contrary, have guided me exactly where I've needed to journey before arriving at this point. What seemed like an overly-circuitous route to the present proves to have been full of amazing scenery, delightful stories, and stellar experiences that have always reconnected me to a deeper part of myself that was seeing me through and waiting for me to arrive back the whole time. The 6 or so drives cross-country gave me a huge appreciation for the vast & interesting land that we know as the United States, full of places to hike, camp, yoga, climb, dance, meditate, and simply commune with Nature and oneSelf. The day I spent in the Gila Wilderness of New Mexico for my 21st birthday was one of the most memorable, giving me the opportunity to reflect on the beauty surrounding me and be introduced (or re-introduced, perhaps) to a feeling of magical support contained within the structure of the Universe. And the amazing places I have had the honor of experiencing through my spiritual practices have been Grace-imbued, awesome, and truly life-changing; I am humbled and totally grateful for all of them. Life's wild ride has truly been a full spectrum of sound, color, form, and experience, highlighted at different points along the way to make the tapestry even more rich and playful!
And here it comes...30, ushering in a whole new world of possibilities for enjoying & savoring in the sweetness of life in a new way, one that is softer & more chilled out. What this upcoming time has to offer is much different than I would have thought or imagined, and I welcome it with open arms & an open heart. The idea of actually getting to relish in the fruits of life's work is beautiful and exciting, especially since this has been a bit foreign to me in times past. For just like a well-aged & delicious wine needs time to ripen & ferment, it also needs people to drink it to enjoy its unique & exquisite taste, lest it never be known or able to share its interesting flavor with others. And each wine is different, with a complexity of flavors so extraordinary that it needs to be taken in on every level possible & truly savored. This is definitely something I'm ready for! The things that come in this next decade -- greater comfort in being myself, creating family and stronger roots, loving in deeper & more authentic ways -- are perfectly timed, for had they come any earlier, I certainly would not have been prepared. This brings me great gratitude for the magical & mysterious nature of life, the inherent intelligence it has; we could not have planned this ride nearly as well as the Universe already has!
The amazing anthropologist Joseph Campbell said, "Follow your bliss. Find where it is and don't be afraid to follow it." Obviously he got it, and thankfully so; his wisdom can remind us of this great gift of embodiment so that we may truly taste the sweet flavors of life in the deepest ways possible. So, here's to the next 60 or so years of following dreams, refining preferences, savoring each delectable moment, and living fully, getting better at being grateful for life with every minute!
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