The Lila of Life!

It's been a couple of years since my last blog post, and my, how times have changed. If I spent time addressing the past 2 years here, this post might be a book! Instead, I'll get to the original intent behind why I'm writing today.

Yesterday I had the opportunity to participate in a yoga photo shoot. Over the now many years of practicing and teaching yoga, how many of these events have I had the blessing of being a part of? Lots. Too many to count on 2 hands, honestly. And they've all been interesting in their own way. Yet yesterday brought up parts of me that the Universe, through its synchronicity, has been inviting (or forcing!) me to look at and get real with. Because we were not just taking pictures of yoga poses. Had we been doing this, Lila would've been just fine. I can do yoga pose after yoga pose, and do so playfully, lovingly, and happily. But no, that's not what was needed. Instead, yesterday was a different kind of yoga photo shoot: we were taking (insert horrifying look) head shots -- the most dreaded kind of pic there is for me. Horror of horrors! Why? Because every yoga head shot, or portrait, or whatever you want to call it, has felt ridiculous, inauthentic, and silly to me. It's forced me to go to a place inside of myself that has felt, well, like a pubescent girl, who is just not cool with what's going on. 

I got a front row seat to this interesting and funny drama yesterday. I put on my now go-to Nico Pusch tracks to help with the vibe, and looked to a couple of my dear soul sisters for some inspiration and love. Yet the little girl in me wanted to RUN out of the room at full speed, and never look back. Seriously, the panic and awkwardness that came up were so palpable I could taste them. And most likely, so could everyone in the room.

Thankfully, I was able to keep my shit together enough to actually stay in the room and do what needed to be done -- smile. And smile like I meant it, not just because I was having my picture taken for yoga marketing materials. But throughout this portion of the shoot, there was still a rather large part of me that wanted to bolt, and perhaps did, unbeknownst to the rest of me.

I breathed easier once we got to the asana part...that's where the fun is! So no problem. I watched and supported my friends (as they thankfully did for me) with their portions of the shoot, which went swimmingly.

Afterward, I carried this strange, disconnected, separate-from-everything feeling with me for the rest of the day. And I seriously gave myself a really bad headache. The mild headache I'd woken up with grew to almost migraine proportion, coupled with the heaviness of my energy field and vibe. Seriously I don't know who would've wanted to hang out with me for the rest of the day! Yet when I had the opportunity that night to chat with some close friends, something really lovely happened. As I spoke, it was as though "Lila" got out of the way, and Consciousness itself just streamed through. "I" said everything that Lila needed to hear, and with love, conviction, and utmost clarity. After I shared this piece, I sobbed for a few minutes straight, allowing my body to shake and my being to be completely vulnerable and raw. Then, that was it. I felt light, the headache was gone, and my sanity returned (well, mostly!). The aperture of Awareness opened again, and a spacious presence was present in my experience.

So, what happened yesterday? Well, first off, I had a "human moment", as one of my spiritual teachers Adya would call it. I love that! Yep, we all have these moments from time-to-time, perhaps even daily! And I believe we all know what this feels like -- we get triggered, and all of our shit comes up for us to look at, and in that moment, it is so real. And probably so intense. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and again, yet expecting different results. If we go to the same hurt, uncomfortable, angry, or scared place inside every time we get triggered, and we let this not-so-awesome feeling rule us, we will most likely have the same results we've always had before. Because, let's be clear, Boston knows that "it's (definitely) more than a feeling." Getting triggered can be so real that we don't feel like we have an option to do anything other than what we've always done in whatever scenario is challenging for us. 

Yet, conscious practice reminds us that we always have a choice. I find that when I have enough spaciousness in myself and presence to choose differently, that's exactly what I do. Rather than feeding the old pattern, or samskara, I can see it clearly for what it is. I see the timid little girl who wants to run away and never return, and I offer her love. And I giggle with her, and the hilarity of taking head shots in order to market myself as a yoga teacher becomes clear, and I can have fun with that. I have the ability to delight in what's going on in the moment, and truly enjoy it.

I invite you to this practice, as I invite myself. Do whatever it is in your life that brings you spacious awareness. Perhaps it's dancing, or meditating, walking in nature, practicing yoga, playing music, or just being. Whatever it is, notice how your being feels on every level when you're in this space. How can you "carry" this with you through your day, especially to those challenging places and times that might, in fact, trigger you. When you are having a "human moment," can you gain enough presence to see the silliness of the human drama that we all experience? Can you stay spacious in the midst of your triggeredness? My guess is that yes, you can. It just might take a little practice. And that's the fun part.

2012~Bringing it on!

The year of 2012 is not playin', as our ancestors have been reminding us for many years! And yet, a part of me that knows that this year IS, in all actuality, playing -- in exactly the ways that it's promised.

Events in the Anusara world have unfolded on the grand stage of life for all to see over the past few weeks. It's been such an intense time on every level for so many, especially because the way things unfolded could have been a lot more life-enhancing (and that's a huge understatement). I certainly wish things had played out in a completely different manner, one that was perhaps not so public or so graphic, for that matter. But here we are in 2012, and the rule book is continuing to change with the times. 

A part of me still feels the need to write the following, so I will. John Friend taught me so much of what I know today about being both a strong student and a strong teacher of yoga, and I am and always will be hugely grateful to him for everything I've learned studying with him. Anusara Yoga's method, teachings, and the Universal Principles of Alignment are a testament to the great therapeutic benefits of what awesome alignment and action can create in the body, mind and heart. These, as well as the level of refinement they invite each student to investigate, and the unique spiritual meaning each person gets to bring to life through his or her yoga practice, makes the science and art of yoga deeply rich and fulfilling.

Yet, here we are in 2012, where there are seemingly no holds barred! I say seemingly because this is the Universe, and I do believe that there is order in the events we're observing and taking part in. My astrology teacher Steven Forrest has said that this year, and the future in general, is bringing more of what we are already beginning to see happen: the work of Neptune -- the spiritual, meditative, mystical work, that which connects us to the divine force -- is becoming intertwined with that of Pluto -- the Kali work, as we'd say in yoga, or that of the shaman, who goes way below the surface to uncover and face what's been hiding out there for longer than one may have imagined. Pluto work is about the practice of sva-sva-vimarsha -- of becoming super self-reflective, turning the light of awareness back on oneself, going deep within, and owning whatever one finds. This work asks people to look inside and to face some of the most intense fears they've carried with them in this lifetime. It's like sitting down to meditate, and being whisked into a dream of your most intense fears surrounding you from all sides (Pluto is the Lord of the Underworld), yet making the choice to see each of them, to listen to them, to feel the pain they hold, and to do this while maintaining a steady connection to the Light and sanity of yourSelf the entire time. Not the most pleasant thing in the world, but valuable for so many reasons! Valuable because there's great personal power and insight to be gained here, and because it takes being human and the capacity to heal to a whole new level.

While the process is painful, heart-wrenching, intense, and humbling, it also invites practitioners to become more courageous, empowered, steady, and wise. And as more people take the time to truly put their yoga and meditation practices to work, using the skills they've gained along their long paths of studentship, the vessel for transformation is made stronger so that the process can take place at a deeper level. What we are capable of navigating now is certainly not what we were capable of 3 years ago. And that's the beauty of the whole process, when it is really working. Neptune informs Pluto, and vice versa.

It has inspired me to see a greater number of people hearing the call to look inside their hearts and affirm the voice of Truth that lives there through the Pluto process of clearing out the gunk that's been in the way. And perhaps there was just a little here and there that was keeping them from doing what they knew was right for them from the deepest place, but it cloaked the way no less. These people are my heroes & heroines: those who are willing to really see, feel, hear what's inside, and to act in accordance with this. Although we each find something different, it's the process that counts. And, just as importantly, judging someone else's process based on what you yourself have discovered only makes the water murkier. Taking energy that could easily be used to transform oneself and misplacing it by focusing on someone else for awhile because it's more comfortable or easier only keeps the person who's wanting to grow in a holding pattern. 

Here we're invited to a level of refinement in how we choose to see others...rather than thinking that someone should have a different opinion than what they do, we can choose see them for who they are (we're all so similar and simultaneously so very different) and the ways in which they are growing and transforming themselves. As my astro teacher reminds us, we all have Pluto in our charts, but for the majority of us, it's in a different sign, making the aim and strategy different, and in a different house, making the terrain quite different. This is what I find so beautiful about what we're going through individually and as a community: I get to see my friends and community members, some who have very different opinions than I, doing valuable, real work that invites them to more of their burgeoning potential with each day. And this is incredible. I commend each one for the courage they bring forth from within themselves.

While we continue to delve into our own hearts and shadows, bringing light to all that we uncover, we gain a little piece of our souls that we had left behind in other spaces, other times. This is the gift of actually doing what Pluto invites us to. I truly wish this for all of us during these intense times. May we choose through this revelatory process to align with the Truth we hold inside, living with integrity in the world in the ways we best are able to, and may our own capacities to uphold the Truth expand.

~The Time Has Come: Moving Forward~

Dear Friends,

As I was washing my face tonight, I continued to brood over the issue that has been in so many of my community member's minds and hearts for more than a week. Suddenly an idea sprang to mind: wouldn't it be wonderful if I could simply consult the Oracle at Delphi with the heaviness that was in my heart? Couldn't I just ask her what I should do? And just as quickly, the answer came: the Oracle already lives in my heart, it's just underneath everything I've been carrying with me these recent days. So I did what my yoga and meditation practices have taught me from the very beginning: I went deeply inside my heart, and I listened intently. The answer was one that I knew would eventually come, but not one that would be easy or simple to address. I am left with clarity, and with the words I've been saying to myself for some weeks now: "I am willing to see the Truth no matter what the consequence." 

With this awareness, I have chosen to resign my licensing as a Certified Anusara Yoga Teacher. The past ten years have made up an illuminating, expansive journey, and I don't regret one minute of it. I've learned immensely, have transformed in some of the most profound ways, have met bright people who have changed my life,  and have felt blessed to share these amazing teachings with many seekers on the path. Yet I must follow what's in alignment with my highest good and step away from my professional relationship with John Friend. I am deeply disheartened by the lack of transparency in light of very real circumstances for many people.

I offer much gratitude to those who have spent so much time and energy helping repair the situation.

I have utmost respect for all those community members who stay to carry Anusara into the future, and I offer huge blessings to them and to John Friend. May the road rise to meet each of you.

I will continue to uphold the dharma in the most steadfast and courageous ways possible, teaching, learning, and living from my Heart in the ways I know best.

With Great Love,

Lila

The Grass is Greener

More than just a few times lately, I've had people comment to me about how they wished on some level that their lives were like someone else's -- a friend whose pictures they saw on facebook, or a person they look up to whose life seems like something they themselves would want. Who hasn't experienced at least a pang of envy when their friend tells them they'll be attending the most amazing yoga event of the century, is wearing the newest, most hot-off-the-machine pair of Omgirl pants, or who just seemingly has the perfect life? We've all been there, in one way or another, and it's easy to go there when the conditions are just right! Over our many years of being alive, humans have assumed on some level that their neighbor, cousin, or friend has a life that's better than their own. Why else would we have the phrase, "the grass is always greener"?

Thankfully, the life-affirming Tantrik philosophy that we have the opportunity to study within Anusara reminds us that we always have a choice as to how we orient ourselves in life, and it is this choice that gives us access to the manifestation of our true potential. It goes so far as translating the word "santosha", or "contentment", as not just having what we want in life, (or what someone else has), but actively choosing to want what we already have. While this can be a huge boon to a yogi, getting there can be a challenge, especially when we live in a culture that "reminds" us over and again that we want or need what's in every ad or movie we see. Even within the yoga culture, we are constantly made aware of amazing clothing lines and sublime retreat opportunities that oftentimes are completely inaccessible to us. Yet it's within these moments of challenge that we're given the opportunity to deepen the process of actively choosing the richness that our own lives provide us with. Reclaiming the energy that's been hijacked by the retreat, the clothing, etc., and turning it back toward our own lives, we learn to work effectively with whatever situation we're in. Rather than wasting our own vital energy wishing for the things we can't have at a particular time, we learn to redistribute this energy through creating, sustaining, and transforming what's happening in our own lives. Turning toward (pravrrti) the gifts that we've been given, and cultivating those qualities we wish to have more of within ourselves and our lives, we gain empowerment to be who we are, at our core. This empowerment gives us the ability to more fully value who we are, what we have to offer, and how we're offering it distinctly in the world.

We chant, "Om Namah Shivayah Gurave" in the first line of the invocation. "I honor the Light of Consciousness that dwells within." This line is one in which we deeply, fully, honor the energy that has chosen to embody us. My teacher Douglas Brooks reminds us that "we are the gift that the Universe is offering". Redirecting our awareness inwardly and turning toward the gift of ourselves automatically shifts the relationship we have with ourselves, our lives, and the world around us. It puts us in a completely affirming place and in so doing, grants us full access to the energy we've been gifted with, inviting us to create whatever it is we so choose in life. In this, we are reminded that we can choose over and again to honor this bigger Consciousness by remembering its presence inside and by going with it, bringing more goodness and beauty to life through our actions in our own lives and thus in the world. In deepening the relationship we have with the Consciousness that dwells inside, we value it more, and can in turn value what others have to offer without wishing it were ours. In other words, when we honor our own gifts, we are more able to honor others' gifts for exactly what they are. With this life-affirming philosophy, the grass is evenly green in many different places, yet with its own unique shade and hue.

Looking around shows us that people in general have a lot to offer, and that awesome opportunities come to so many on a regular basis. Yet the same is true for us! We want to be happy for Leslie when she goes to Barbados for a rad 10-day yoga retreat, or for Judy when she buys half of Spiritual Gangster's Fall line to rock in class all season long. And all of this when we're practicing at home in our old school yoga wardrobe. It's in these moments that directing our awareness to the Consciousness inside is of utmost importance. When we see the gifts and opportunities that our friends have, we can remember that we, too, have the amazing opportunity of interacting with Consciousness in ways that are totally unique to us and exactly what they need to be. We've been given what's perfect for where we are at a given time, and remembering this is key. Seeing what's going on with our friends can help shape our desires for what we seek to create in life, but the moment it pulls us out of ourselves and the Consciousness within, it becomes just another way to waste energy that we could be putting toward really amazing aspirations.

In what ways do you fully honor the gifts and opportunities that you've co-created in your life? How do you feel when you're in a space of deeply valuing your own life? How do you respond to others' opportunities when you're in this space? What things tend to pull you out of alignment with the Consciousness within? How can you redirect your energy inward when you get pulled out of yourself to work with it in a more life-enhancing way? Each question can provide a deep level of insight to keep energy flowing in a positive direction rather than getting stuck for days at a time in a place that's not so comfortable. Choosing to fully honor and work with what's happening in our own lives at any given moment gives us the ability to see the beauty in each shade of green on every side of the fence!

Life as a Rural Householder

From this day forward it's official, and only by the sheer fact of my choosing to fully see and embrace reality and the lessons therein. The fact is this: I am, indeed, a rural householder. Anyone I know could have told me this, but I've just recently been made aware of my own inability to do so for a little while now. One year and four months ago, I moved to the definite sticks, one hour away from gateway yoga, the studio I own, and the wonderful community there. It's taken that long for me to finally claim full responsibility for this fact and the direction my life has gone since. The process of coming to a place of greater realization and the freedom this awareness provides was interesting, at times grueling, and has been a long time coming. For my happiness with my decision to be a rural householder was not always the case, I assure you, as would many of my friends.

Some time ago, it became apparent to me through the wonderfully real process of self-reflection that more nourishing time spent at a quiet, spacious home had the potential to be a very balancing thing for me. Rather than running around to teach and attend workshops galore and have a super booked schedule that rarely included downtime or time for deep rest, living out in a "town" devoid of a center (save the post office and gas station right beside it...there's not even a stoplight) offered something that has been a fear of mine for a long time -- slowing down and actually taking the time to relax. I know that probably sounds either crazy or all-too-familiar to many, as the case may be. For me, this deeper pattern of an inability to allow myself rest became so obvious that I realized it could not be pushed down into my awareness any longer. It was up and ready to be dealt with. This, and the fact that I was completely head-over-heels in love led me to the next phase of life, so I did what any householder yogini would do -- I dove right in!

I suppose one might think that living in a place where most people get a look of complete confusion on their faces at the mention of its name seems totally unideal. It was actually that way for me too at first. I'd definitely heard of the place, having grown up 20 minutes away, but it was always the place where "back country" people lived, and I could easily push it into the recesses of my brain to stay there. I never dreamed it would become my home for some time. But ah, the things we do for love, especially in the googly-eyed, let's-not-be-rational-because-we-can't stage of dopamine and serotonin surges. A few months after moving out to my current home, I questioned my sanity a number of times, sure that I would go crazy out here with no "live" community to interact with other than my honey and my dog, and no stimulation other than Netflix movies, facebook, and community blogs. For awhile I took the victim route, wallowing in the forgetfulness that I was the one who actually made the decision to live in a place where people are very different from me in every obvious way. Um, this one didn't go over so well. I was led into a space that I'll just say was not so fun. At all.

Once I stopped dwelling in the non-life-enhancing archetype of the victim, choosing to engage the decision I had made with the skills my spiritual path has thankfully taught me, life began getting better, as it tends to do. As the new year rolled around, I saw and affirmed my own needs in the situation, and I acted skillfully according to them. I created a schedule that worked better for me and allowed me to stay in Raleigh, where my studio is, at least once a week. I reached out to my local friends and started spending more time with them. I called fantastic friends who are living far away and on my headset, had some incredibly fulfilling conversations. I downloaded good podcasts to listen to on my way to and from work, and I used the tools at my fingertips to reconnect with dear community members who have thankfully been in my life for years. Suffice to say, all of this began working, and quite well.

As Spring rolled around, I was truly able to recognize the beauty of my neighborhood, seeing as though for the first time the amazing colors abounding, most especially the lush shades of green all around. I enjoyed hanging out with the neighborhood kids, walking my dog as they rode their bikes around the block with me, talking to them about the 5 great elements, the inherent beauty in life, and other sweet topics. And, very importantly, I was able to meet my partner, the person I moved out here to be with, with more vivacity for life and more contentedness in myself. Not only was I happier in my relationship with me, but in all of the relationships I have. I finally came home to myself.

Rather than resisting the growing voices of discontent within, voices that wanted so desperately to be heard, I chose to listen. This listening, while at first extremely uncomfortable, reconnected me with a deeper part of who I was that wasn't getting the attention it needed. As I opened to this inner dialogue, I gained the courage to fully own my choices and stand in them. Fully claiming ownership of every part of who I am gave me the opportunity for extreme empowerment and immense transformation. I was able to see life through the lens of the Heart and from a place of Goodness, and so it goes, life became more filled with Heart and with Goodness.

So now when I get a day to be at home, I can thankfully open the back door to hear the sweet birds' songs and the sound of the breeze rustling through the leaves in the trees. I get to eat delicious and healthy home-cooked food that contains no processed sugars or starches (have you read the Sugar Article at NYTimes.com?!). And I get to sit in a place of true contentment from the Tantric perspective: in choosing to truly want my own choices, making them the most righteous ones possible, I learned what it means to be deeply captivated by life. While I never mistrusted my spiritual practices and their efficacy in my life, I learned deeply that I must be completely and totally willing to engage these practices in the most clear and real ways possible, and only then will the lesson truly revel itself within me and within life.

May the process of true self-reflection and deeply listening continue to reveal all of the shadows inside so that we can lovingly choose to transform to even brighter, more radiant beings.

On Embodying Love

Recently I was asked to give the "sermon" at my friends' wedding at Duke Gardens. I felt completely honored to be a part of the ceremony in this way, and I delighted in writing and reading about the embodiment of love. It felt completely natural, as though I was stepping into a part of myself that's been waiting for some time to be expressed. Reflections on this process deserve their own post, so I won't go into this part of things right now. A few people have asked to read the speech, so here it is:

On Embodying Love

by Lila Pierce Brown

I am delighted to be able to make this offering today. What I'll read is based on time spent with one of my dear philosophy teachers, Bill Mahony, a professor at Davidson College, and a truly enlightened person to spend time with. His new book, Exquisite Love: Heart-Centered Reflections on the Narada Bhakti Sutra, just came out this past month. Bhakti is a form of yoga in which participants celebrate the Divine by singing, chanting, and making ecstatic offerings to the Source.

(NB Sutra) Verses 53 & 54 say:

“Love reveals itself where there is an able vessel. For when we love, it's an inner experience expressing itself.”

~Narada Bhakti Sutra 53 & 54

Each and every one of us has the possibility of being a vessel for love, as this is an inherent part of our deeper nature. How then, do we give ourselves to the practice of becoming an able place through which love can reveal itself? Through which our own inner experience becomes one that exudes from us, and inevitably reaches the world and all of those we come into contact with? I think these are pretty good questions, and some that deserve at least a little of our time...

When we prepare ourselves to receive the blessing of the Beloved, be that in the form of our life partner, or in the non-form of the Divine, (many mystics call the Divine, “Beloved”) we open ourselves to receive a gift that is much bigger than we are, and this Spirit, feeling our receptivity, washes over us and through us with joy and with sweetness. Because we have opened our hearts and our minds to receive such a blessing, we are invited to dwell in the pure nature of the Heart. When we allow ourselves to fully abide in this space, we become capable of Love itself. In fact, we become Love itself. I feel quite sure that we've all experienced what it's like to be completely absorbed in the feeling of Love. It's magical, joyful, exhilarating; and truly, I don't know that there is any other force in the Universe like it. Yet when we experience this love, we tend to think that it's only because of the other person, and in many regards, this is the case. But let's look at it through the lens of this passage: because we are so exuberant about our beloved, so enamored by them, all of the things that normally stand in the way of us and our own hearts are momentarily removed so that we get a direct taste of the nature that already lives inside, the nature of Love itself.

These verses remind us that our highest nature is one of Love, yet we as humans know that inevitably, we are going to experience things that keep us from being able to live, to really abide, in this part of who we are. And perhaps this is as it should be, for now, we get to learn the art and the skill of connecting with the Love that's inside, wanting to radiate out, because that's what love does, and we also get to experience the joy of returning “home” to the space of our own Heart.

Our relationship with the beloved in the form of our life partner is, in many ways, dependent on the relationship we have with ourselves. In the beginning of a lovely courtship, everything is perfect because nothing has come between us and our own Heart. Almost nothing our partner says can make us feel a separation from the ardent feelings we're having inside. Over time, this begins to shift, of course, and we begin to see our partner as who they really are. They become human again, as it should be, for they are, as are we. No more pedestals! This is when the real depth of the relationship can begin, both with the beloved, and with ourselves. If there is something within our own hearts that is preventing us from experiencing the true love of our highest nature, then we will be very clear on that, and immediately so in, say, a lovers' quarrel! So, what this sutra invites us to, is an exploration of who we are, the Love we hold inside, and all that prevents us from abiding in this Love as often as possible, especially in relationship with the beloved.

There is certainly a useful way to explore this possibility, one that gives us access to tools that will be of great help when it comes to removing all that stands in the way of us and Love. Being in relationship with anyone we care deeply about invites us to look more deeply at ourselves. It becomes a beautiful opportunity for us to, in the words of my teacher, practice “scrupulous honesty” in the way that we view ourselves. What is it that frustrates or upsets us when we quarrel with our beloved? What comes up for us during these times? Whatever it is gives us immediate clues about the attitudes and feelings we hold inside so that we can look clearly and honestly within to create a harmonious attitude there. This in itself is a continual process, and one that brings us closer to who we really are.

If there's something that we find inside ourselves that is not in harmony with Love, and we realize we're ready to shift it, the process moves to a different stage. This one involves pulling our energy out of the thoughts and emotions that block us from a loving disposition, and re-focusing this energy toward thoughts and feelings that are loving. Imagine how much awareness and willpower this takes! A lot. Yet we all have the steady courage inside necessary for this task. Imagine as well the result of this great exploration: more energy within ourselves to delight in the feeling of Love and be available to it as often as is possible. If we find this part of things completely challenging, we need remember the whole of the task at hand, not just this one part. So when we are, say, in the middle of a small tiff with anyone we care about, we can actively choose to redirect our energy from moving in a direction that's not a reflection of our highest nature, and put it somewhere that is more affirming. Again, we can remember the whole of the beloved and our relationship with them rather than just this one separate instance.

After clearing whatever feelings that have been holding us back from embodying the nature of Love inside, we offer them up with thanks and praise, honoring the process and the reconnection with who we really are. The Love that lives inside can reign supreme, and we are free to carry it with us wherever we go, most importantly, in our relationships with each other. And this is, as aforementioned, an ongoing process that through time, unfolds within us, welcoming us over and again into the space of the Heart, and to the ability to feel comfortable dwelling there.

My blessing for Brittney and Paul, and truly for everyone here, is this: May the highest Love reign supreme for each (one) of you, may you delight in the connection with this part of who you are, and may you embody this Love as often as possible, recognizing the true gift that it is!

Encouragement on Skillfully Engaging Samskaras!

One of my most favorite parts about teaching yoga is creating a theme for each class that is inspiring, encouraging, practical, and useful. The process that I go through to get here ranges, yet it always leads me more deeply into my own spiritual practice and journey. Lately I've been thinking in-depth about the subject of samskaras, their prevalence in life, and the role they play in spiritual practice. Samskaras are impressions in the mind created over time, are oftentimes karmic, & even if not karmic, are old patterns that are revisited over & again in our current lives in order for us to hopefully gain clarity around them and learn some of the deepest lessons possible this time around. I think of them like rivers in the surface of the brain: the deeper the river runs, the more prevalent the patterns is in one's life. These rivers or patterns can be so deeply ingrained that we don't even notice how they come into play in our lives, yet they seem to underlie everything that we do. Through spiritual practice where self-study plays a role, we begin to become more aware of the hold that these patterns have on us & in our lives, and in doing so, we can learn how to skillfully work with them so they aren't perhaps so painful or uncomfortable for ourselves and others each time they arise.

The Tantric approach of working with samskaras is unique and totally helpful in my opinion. Some systems think it important to "clear the slate," or, to go back to our river analogy, make dry all of the rivers so that they don't exist anymore, thus forming a desert-like landscape, free of rivers whatsoever. While this may be of benefit to some, I have to say that I appreciate working in a quite different way. The approach here offers one the opportunity to get to know a pattern deeply, going swimming in the river (without getting sucked into an eddy, of course!), without just ignoring it or running away from it (think: sprinting away from the shore of the river as soon as you feel its power), which is easy to do. If we run in the opposite direction, though, of course our samskara is going to be there awaiting us when a similar situation shows itself as had us running in the first place! So this option isn't too enhancing, although it may seem like the only one at the time. What can be really interesting & deeply engaging is noticing the emotions that arise when working with a certain pattern, and also where certain feelings arise in the body. Our bodies are so absolutely intuitive, and they oftentimes know things way before our minds do...it's like a magical feature wired into our nervous systems! Pretty sweet if we learn to listen to the signals & heed their guidance. So, for example, "When I notice myself starting to play a particular pattern out (taking responsibility is a good thing, for it gives us the ability to respond with care & clarity), how do I feel? What emotions arise with the pattern? What does it feel like in my body? Where does the pattern seem to be rooted?" Although the location of the emotions/patterns may change, it's good to notice them to begin to understand more about the way we work & where we hold things in general.

Another important part of engaging the samskaras skillfully so they don't totally have a hold on us is to trace them back to their first appearance. When we move into a meditative & contemplative space with the intention of understanding this particular facet of ourselves, it's pretty amazing how the subconscious mind begins to clue us in on exactly the information we're looking for. A whole story around a certain pattern begins to unfold that we had perhaps never pieced together in this particular way before...and once we get to see the samskara from a more expansive perspective, we have so much more of an ability to work clearly with it, seeing the connections in each instance that we were triggered and each time the samskara came into play in our lives. The points along the samskara river become highlighted, and we realize that the intense journey gave us beta along the way that just wanted us to see it, if only our third eye was open as widely as possible at the time of our first meeting! As we trace the steps of our journey back from the present into the deep & rich past, we become clear on what the samskara is, what it looks & feels like, how it plays itself out in the rich tapestry of our awareness, and how we can skillfully work with it to know it better, and eventually refine it in such a way that the ride along the river may even be sweet, ultimately leading us to a Universal experience of life.

I think this is the really good news...each samskara is an opportunity to delve into this nature of being human, eventually giving us access to an experience that we have all felt before simply by virtue of being human. For example, if the pattern is overbooking oneself to the extent of virtual breakdown, the person perhaps gets taken for a ride down the river of somewhat self-imposed exhaustion, feeling a lack of energy on any level, a lack of connection with his or her center, and completely overwhelmed by life. These feelings can eventually lead to complete & utter depletion and lack to the point that the person isn't getting wrapped up necessarily in the emotions of the experience, but is simply dwelling deeply IN the experience itself (here, of exhaustion and lack), one that we've probably all had exposure to in some way. Our depleted friend who feels a deep lack will feel the need to nourish & rejuvenate him or herself, taking time and energy from outward activities and focusing this energy inwardly. Over time, energy levels return to normal, and a balance is re-established. Once our friend becomes aware of this pattern, he or she can see and feel it before it actually happens, clearly establishing healthy and life-affirming boundaries that create balance and inner harmony before actually getting carried down the river of exhaustion. What's great to note here, though, is that just as the pattern is changeable (most everything in life is!), it also led our friend into the depths of an experience of being human, one that we've all touched in some way, shape, or form. And in knowing that most every person on the planet has felt lack and depletion at some point in their lives, our friend can take heart in recognizing that this is part of a Universal journey that ultimately, if engaged properly, leads him or her to a place of greater awareness and transformation. And because most everyone has experienced this feeling before and the emotions that come along with it, we are reminded that we're never alone on this journey of life, for so many others have been just where we are...in the grandest love, or the most intense anger, or the most expansive joy possible. What was perhaps holding us back becomes a gateway that taps us into the grandness of life's possibilities while simultaneously offering us a way in which to transform!

It may be inevitable that we go through the ringer from time to time (I'm sure you're aware of the definitely intense energetic times on our planet!), getting taken for a swift ride along the sometimes bumpy and tumultuous currents of the samskaras. But before we let the current pull us fully in, it's key to remember the tools we've gained along the way...they'll help us work through our deepest samskaras with a bit more grace and ease, although again, it may not seem like it at the time. My personal tools include: spiritual practices encompassing yoga, meditation, prayer, connection to Nature and feeling safe & supported there, reaching out to people who care about me and will listen, and the fortitude to actually be in the midst of what is happening, trusting in the process of life's unfoldment without letting it rock me too terribly. And thankfully, the tools we've gained along the way can be employed while we're being confronted with the challenges that are bound to arise from time to time. We all have access to such powerful tools & practices that remind us of the strength that's inside & the steps needed to move into a space of clarity, and the trick is to be able to see the patterns in ourselves well enough to remember the tools at the appropriate time. And like most things, time and practice certainly help with this, as long as we're willing to receive and experience life's full palette of offerings, from the most joyful and expansive to the most challenging and intense. If we're on board with this, we'll be guaranteed an interesting ride no matter what...and isn't it all about the ride?