The Grass is Greener

More than just a few times lately, I've had people comment to me about how they wished on some level that their lives were like someone else's -- a friend whose pictures they saw on facebook, or a person they look up to whose life seems like something they themselves would want. Who hasn't experienced at least a pang of envy when their friend tells them they'll be attending the most amazing yoga event of the century, is wearing the newest, most hot-off-the-machine pair of Omgirl pants, or who just seemingly has the perfect life? We've all been there, in one way or another, and it's easy to go there when the conditions are just right! Over our many years of being alive, humans have assumed on some level that their neighbor, cousin, or friend has a life that's better than their own. Why else would we have the phrase, "the grass is always greener"?

Thankfully, the life-affirming Tantrik philosophy that we have the opportunity to study within Anusara reminds us that we always have a choice as to how we orient ourselves in life, and it is this choice that gives us access to the manifestation of our true potential. It goes so far as translating the word "santosha", or "contentment", as not just having what we want in life, (or what someone else has), but actively choosing to want what we already have. While this can be a huge boon to a yogi, getting there can be a challenge, especially when we live in a culture that "reminds" us over and again that we want or need what's in every ad or movie we see. Even within the yoga culture, we are constantly made aware of amazing clothing lines and sublime retreat opportunities that oftentimes are completely inaccessible to us. Yet it's within these moments of challenge that we're given the opportunity to deepen the process of actively choosing the richness that our own lives provide us with. Reclaiming the energy that's been hijacked by the retreat, the clothing, etc., and turning it back toward our own lives, we learn to work effectively with whatever situation we're in. Rather than wasting our own vital energy wishing for the things we can't have at a particular time, we learn to redistribute this energy through creating, sustaining, and transforming what's happening in our own lives. Turning toward (pravrrti) the gifts that we've been given, and cultivating those qualities we wish to have more of within ourselves and our lives, we gain empowerment to be who we are, at our core. This empowerment gives us the ability to more fully value who we are, what we have to offer, and how we're offering it distinctly in the world.

We chant, "Om Namah Shivayah Gurave" in the first line of the invocation. "I honor the Light of Consciousness that dwells within." This line is one in which we deeply, fully, honor the energy that has chosen to embody us. My teacher Douglas Brooks reminds us that "we are the gift that the Universe is offering". Redirecting our awareness inwardly and turning toward the gift of ourselves automatically shifts the relationship we have with ourselves, our lives, and the world around us. It puts us in a completely affirming place and in so doing, grants us full access to the energy we've been gifted with, inviting us to create whatever it is we so choose in life. In this, we are reminded that we can choose over and again to honor this bigger Consciousness by remembering its presence inside and by going with it, bringing more goodness and beauty to life through our actions in our own lives and thus in the world. In deepening the relationship we have with the Consciousness that dwells inside, we value it more, and can in turn value what others have to offer without wishing it were ours. In other words, when we honor our own gifts, we are more able to honor others' gifts for exactly what they are. With this life-affirming philosophy, the grass is evenly green in many different places, yet with its own unique shade and hue.

Looking around shows us that people in general have a lot to offer, and that awesome opportunities come to so many on a regular basis. Yet the same is true for us! We want to be happy for Leslie when she goes to Barbados for a rad 10-day yoga retreat, or for Judy when she buys half of Spiritual Gangster's Fall line to rock in class all season long. And all of this when we're practicing at home in our old school yoga wardrobe. It's in these moments that directing our awareness to the Consciousness inside is of utmost importance. When we see the gifts and opportunities that our friends have, we can remember that we, too, have the amazing opportunity of interacting with Consciousness in ways that are totally unique to us and exactly what they need to be. We've been given what's perfect for where we are at a given time, and remembering this is key. Seeing what's going on with our friends can help shape our desires for what we seek to create in life, but the moment it pulls us out of ourselves and the Consciousness within, it becomes just another way to waste energy that we could be putting toward really amazing aspirations.

In what ways do you fully honor the gifts and opportunities that you've co-created in your life? How do you feel when you're in a space of deeply valuing your own life? How do you respond to others' opportunities when you're in this space? What things tend to pull you out of alignment with the Consciousness within? How can you redirect your energy inward when you get pulled out of yourself to work with it in a more life-enhancing way? Each question can provide a deep level of insight to keep energy flowing in a positive direction rather than getting stuck for days at a time in a place that's not so comfortable. Choosing to fully honor and work with what's happening in our own lives at any given moment gives us the ability to see the beauty in each shade of green on every side of the fence!

Life as a Rural Householder

From this day forward it's official, and only by the sheer fact of my choosing to fully see and embrace reality and the lessons therein. The fact is this: I am, indeed, a rural householder. Anyone I know could have told me this, but I've just recently been made aware of my own inability to do so for a little while now. One year and four months ago, I moved to the definite sticks, one hour away from gateway yoga, the studio I own, and the wonderful community there. It's taken that long for me to finally claim full responsibility for this fact and the direction my life has gone since. The process of coming to a place of greater realization and the freedom this awareness provides was interesting, at times grueling, and has been a long time coming. For my happiness with my decision to be a rural householder was not always the case, I assure you, as would many of my friends.

Some time ago, it became apparent to me through the wonderfully real process of self-reflection that more nourishing time spent at a quiet, spacious home had the potential to be a very balancing thing for me. Rather than running around to teach and attend workshops galore and have a super booked schedule that rarely included downtime or time for deep rest, living out in a "town" devoid of a center (save the post office and gas station right beside it...there's not even a stoplight) offered something that has been a fear of mine for a long time -- slowing down and actually taking the time to relax. I know that probably sounds either crazy or all-too-familiar to many, as the case may be. For me, this deeper pattern of an inability to allow myself rest became so obvious that I realized it could not be pushed down into my awareness any longer. It was up and ready to be dealt with. This, and the fact that I was completely head-over-heels in love led me to the next phase of life, so I did what any householder yogini would do -- I dove right in!

I suppose one might think that living in a place where most people get a look of complete confusion on their faces at the mention of its name seems totally unideal. It was actually that way for me too at first. I'd definitely heard of the place, having grown up 20 minutes away, but it was always the place where "back country" people lived, and I could easily push it into the recesses of my brain to stay there. I never dreamed it would become my home for some time. But ah, the things we do for love, especially in the googly-eyed, let's-not-be-rational-because-we-can't stage of dopamine and serotonin surges. A few months after moving out to my current home, I questioned my sanity a number of times, sure that I would go crazy out here with no "live" community to interact with other than my honey and my dog, and no stimulation other than Netflix movies, facebook, and community blogs. For awhile I took the victim route, wallowing in the forgetfulness that I was the one who actually made the decision to live in a place where people are very different from me in every obvious way. Um, this one didn't go over so well. I was led into a space that I'll just say was not so fun. At all.

Once I stopped dwelling in the non-life-enhancing archetype of the victim, choosing to engage the decision I had made with the skills my spiritual path has thankfully taught me, life began getting better, as it tends to do. As the new year rolled around, I saw and affirmed my own needs in the situation, and I acted skillfully according to them. I created a schedule that worked better for me and allowed me to stay in Raleigh, where my studio is, at least once a week. I reached out to my local friends and started spending more time with them. I called fantastic friends who are living far away and on my headset, had some incredibly fulfilling conversations. I downloaded good podcasts to listen to on my way to and from work, and I used the tools at my fingertips to reconnect with dear community members who have thankfully been in my life for years. Suffice to say, all of this began working, and quite well.

As Spring rolled around, I was truly able to recognize the beauty of my neighborhood, seeing as though for the first time the amazing colors abounding, most especially the lush shades of green all around. I enjoyed hanging out with the neighborhood kids, walking my dog as they rode their bikes around the block with me, talking to them about the 5 great elements, the inherent beauty in life, and other sweet topics. And, very importantly, I was able to meet my partner, the person I moved out here to be with, with more vivacity for life and more contentedness in myself. Not only was I happier in my relationship with me, but in all of the relationships I have. I finally came home to myself.

Rather than resisting the growing voices of discontent within, voices that wanted so desperately to be heard, I chose to listen. This listening, while at first extremely uncomfortable, reconnected me with a deeper part of who I was that wasn't getting the attention it needed. As I opened to this inner dialogue, I gained the courage to fully own my choices and stand in them. Fully claiming ownership of every part of who I am gave me the opportunity for extreme empowerment and immense transformation. I was able to see life through the lens of the Heart and from a place of Goodness, and so it goes, life became more filled with Heart and with Goodness.

So now when I get a day to be at home, I can thankfully open the back door to hear the sweet birds' songs and the sound of the breeze rustling through the leaves in the trees. I get to eat delicious and healthy home-cooked food that contains no processed sugars or starches (have you read the Sugar Article at NYTimes.com?!). And I get to sit in a place of true contentment from the Tantric perspective: in choosing to truly want my own choices, making them the most righteous ones possible, I learned what it means to be deeply captivated by life. While I never mistrusted my spiritual practices and their efficacy in my life, I learned deeply that I must be completely and totally willing to engage these practices in the most clear and real ways possible, and only then will the lesson truly revel itself within me and within life.

May the process of true self-reflection and deeply listening continue to reveal all of the shadows inside so that we can lovingly choose to transform to even brighter, more radiant beings.

On Embodying Love

Recently I was asked to give the "sermon" at my friends' wedding at Duke Gardens. I felt completely honored to be a part of the ceremony in this way, and I delighted in writing and reading about the embodiment of love. It felt completely natural, as though I was stepping into a part of myself that's been waiting for some time to be expressed. Reflections on this process deserve their own post, so I won't go into this part of things right now. A few people have asked to read the speech, so here it is:

On Embodying Love

by Lila Pierce Brown

I am delighted to be able to make this offering today. What I'll read is based on time spent with one of my dear philosophy teachers, Bill Mahony, a professor at Davidson College, and a truly enlightened person to spend time with. His new book, Exquisite Love: Heart-Centered Reflections on the Narada Bhakti Sutra, just came out this past month. Bhakti is a form of yoga in which participants celebrate the Divine by singing, chanting, and making ecstatic offerings to the Source.

(NB Sutra) Verses 53 & 54 say:

“Love reveals itself where there is an able vessel. For when we love, it's an inner experience expressing itself.”

~Narada Bhakti Sutra 53 & 54

Each and every one of us has the possibility of being a vessel for love, as this is an inherent part of our deeper nature. How then, do we give ourselves to the practice of becoming an able place through which love can reveal itself? Through which our own inner experience becomes one that exudes from us, and inevitably reaches the world and all of those we come into contact with? I think these are pretty good questions, and some that deserve at least a little of our time...

When we prepare ourselves to receive the blessing of the Beloved, be that in the form of our life partner, or in the non-form of the Divine, (many mystics call the Divine, “Beloved”) we open ourselves to receive a gift that is much bigger than we are, and this Spirit, feeling our receptivity, washes over us and through us with joy and with sweetness. Because we have opened our hearts and our minds to receive such a blessing, we are invited to dwell in the pure nature of the Heart. When we allow ourselves to fully abide in this space, we become capable of Love itself. In fact, we become Love itself. I feel quite sure that we've all experienced what it's like to be completely absorbed in the feeling of Love. It's magical, joyful, exhilarating; and truly, I don't know that there is any other force in the Universe like it. Yet when we experience this love, we tend to think that it's only because of the other person, and in many regards, this is the case. But let's look at it through the lens of this passage: because we are so exuberant about our beloved, so enamored by them, all of the things that normally stand in the way of us and our own hearts are momentarily removed so that we get a direct taste of the nature that already lives inside, the nature of Love itself.

These verses remind us that our highest nature is one of Love, yet we as humans know that inevitably, we are going to experience things that keep us from being able to live, to really abide, in this part of who we are. And perhaps this is as it should be, for now, we get to learn the art and the skill of connecting with the Love that's inside, wanting to radiate out, because that's what love does, and we also get to experience the joy of returning “home” to the space of our own Heart.

Our relationship with the beloved in the form of our life partner is, in many ways, dependent on the relationship we have with ourselves. In the beginning of a lovely courtship, everything is perfect because nothing has come between us and our own Heart. Almost nothing our partner says can make us feel a separation from the ardent feelings we're having inside. Over time, this begins to shift, of course, and we begin to see our partner as who they really are. They become human again, as it should be, for they are, as are we. No more pedestals! This is when the real depth of the relationship can begin, both with the beloved, and with ourselves. If there is something within our own hearts that is preventing us from experiencing the true love of our highest nature, then we will be very clear on that, and immediately so in, say, a lovers' quarrel! So, what this sutra invites us to, is an exploration of who we are, the Love we hold inside, and all that prevents us from abiding in this Love as often as possible, especially in relationship with the beloved.

There is certainly a useful way to explore this possibility, one that gives us access to tools that will be of great help when it comes to removing all that stands in the way of us and Love. Being in relationship with anyone we care deeply about invites us to look more deeply at ourselves. It becomes a beautiful opportunity for us to, in the words of my teacher, practice “scrupulous honesty” in the way that we view ourselves. What is it that frustrates or upsets us when we quarrel with our beloved? What comes up for us during these times? Whatever it is gives us immediate clues about the attitudes and feelings we hold inside so that we can look clearly and honestly within to create a harmonious attitude there. This in itself is a continual process, and one that brings us closer to who we really are.

If there's something that we find inside ourselves that is not in harmony with Love, and we realize we're ready to shift it, the process moves to a different stage. This one involves pulling our energy out of the thoughts and emotions that block us from a loving disposition, and re-focusing this energy toward thoughts and feelings that are loving. Imagine how much awareness and willpower this takes! A lot. Yet we all have the steady courage inside necessary for this task. Imagine as well the result of this great exploration: more energy within ourselves to delight in the feeling of Love and be available to it as often as is possible. If we find this part of things completely challenging, we need remember the whole of the task at hand, not just this one part. So when we are, say, in the middle of a small tiff with anyone we care about, we can actively choose to redirect our energy from moving in a direction that's not a reflection of our highest nature, and put it somewhere that is more affirming. Again, we can remember the whole of the beloved and our relationship with them rather than just this one separate instance.

After clearing whatever feelings that have been holding us back from embodying the nature of Love inside, we offer them up with thanks and praise, honoring the process and the reconnection with who we really are. The Love that lives inside can reign supreme, and we are free to carry it with us wherever we go, most importantly, in our relationships with each other. And this is, as aforementioned, an ongoing process that through time, unfolds within us, welcoming us over and again into the space of the Heart, and to the ability to feel comfortable dwelling there.

My blessing for Brittney and Paul, and truly for everyone here, is this: May the highest Love reign supreme for each (one) of you, may you delight in the connection with this part of who you are, and may you embody this Love as often as possible, recognizing the true gift that it is!